how do I rid the sorrow in thy heart
2006-05-03 at 9:52 a.m.

the void, the numbness
it's crunching my heart
jus as much as i survive
it's as much as i'm dead

close my eyes to stop my tears
scream to consume my need to cry
laugh to hide the fear
drink to forget the feeling
amuse myself to fend off the memories

blinded by hurt and pain
can't see the world's beauty
consumed by despair
can't care less anymore

like to act like i'm fine
as happy as a bird
soaring in the sky
as happy as the balloon
flying without strings
as happy as a cloud
floating without rain

like to pretend i have hope to go on
to embrace every morning
to enjoy my food every day
to smile in my sleep every night

like to think tt i'm strong
tt i'll get over it
tt i'll laugh and cry no longer
tt i'll stand up and walk

i wish i cud tell you tt i'm not depressed. not depressed at all.
i wish i cud tell you tt i did not have suicidal tots.
i wish i cud tell you tt i did not attempt cutting myself.
i wish i cud tell you tt i feel great. Real great.
i wish i cud tell you tt i didn't need to write all these.
i wish i cud tell you tt I can't help feeling like this, knowing that there are so many people who are in a worse state as I am.
i wish i cud tell you how much I am concerned about others now.
i wish i cud tell you i'm not feeling larthegic and have no interest in anything.

i wish.. i wish i cud tell him how much i miss him.

depression keeps me from writing properly.
i can't write
i hav no idea wat i'm rambling about
so if i get to the point where i no longer write
i'm gone case