older by one year.
2003-06-13 at 5:16 p.m.

Deep inside, I'm searching

Searching everywhere for you

But you,

You, are so far away

I run, and run, and run

But you,

You, seem to go furthur, and furthur, and furthur

Away from me

As I strain my eyes

At your fading figure

A mist of water block my vision

I try to blink them all away

I want to grab you, feel your solid flesh

Not your virtual being

Which all are lonely memories

I want to fight on

But I just couldn't, and so,

I let go,

and die.

��Copyright@Suzu

can't believe it. time flies. this is my 1st entry from the time i turned 17.

Are you really that busy that you really can't wish me Happy Birthday or you just plainly forgotten?

Am i really that insignificant compared to your work, your sleep and your friends to even spare a minute calling me?

i mean yea i know,no big deal, i dun need a huge celebration. tt will scare me. but it's the little smses which matter but why did it hurt so much without your little call?

Why did it have to rain every year on my bd?

Is it really true that once you cried on your bd, the following ones would be sad? I mean i'm not superstitious or what but please, who wants to cry on their bd?

So, I waited till 12am on the 13th. I cried like crazy and mind you, it's uncontrollable. I juz miss him so and memories with him just couldn't stop flashing since the day we 1st met.

and it hurts, and hurts.

Irony.Why must it be this way? Why do people always cry for the one they love?

Barney cried like never before for me.

Went to watch Bruce Almighty with him. Felt like crying during e show esp when

Grace saw e carvings on all the trees saying (Bruce Loves Grace forever. and forever and forever).Reminds me of e time when the sand was written on (I love Ashley, forever).

Felt like crying when Grace was crying on the bed telling God to help her not to love Bruce anymore. Reminds me of the times when i cry on the bed asking God not to let me think and miss him anymore.

But I learnt that it needn't be always me me me me. Why don't you just pray more for him, like Grace did?

Barney really put in alot of effort. He practised the violin although he doesn't really know just for my bd. But at night I juz told him that there's really no chance.

I don't feel good hurting him either..cos I'm already feeling hurt.

Barney i'm human too, i understand i really appreciate all you've done. pls talk to me as a friend when ya ready.

Au revoir. Je suis malheureux.