away from reality
2003-02-03 at 6:14 p.m.

i realli nid to say something about cat's entry :

escape?denial?definitely... :: 2003-02-01 1:05 a.m.

i'm so sorry cat again

i had to copy ur entry..

kill me ... slash me...

watever tt make u happy tt i copy tt part.

yah but anyways...i really dunno wad to do...i mean im supposed to haf made up my mind but somehow i just find it hard to carry on wif wadeva i've decided...it's difficult...very difficult...and im lyk feeling damn suffocated bcos of all this shit...hai...im really confused...wad shld i do?or rather wad can i do?i dunno y i keep getting myself kind of involved in all this shit bcos i dun even haf the rights to be...argh...i really dunno...i mean i really wan to wash my hands off everything and just move on and stuff but it is almost impossible...i noe nothing is impossible...tt's y i said almost...and it's really hard to even try...bcos it hurts...alot...tt i even haf to face everything...even the tout of facing all these hurts...and when i dun wan to be hurt...i run away frm it...frm everything...self denial...lyk wad xr said...it's unhealthy...but it's my onli way to get away frm all these things...i cant face them...i dun haf the courage to...it's painful...very painful...im supposed to be strong...to be able to take all these easily...but i cannot...i tried...and i failed...how i wish i can be ok abt it...how i wish i can pretend nothing ever happened...how i wish all these were not part of my life...but my wishes neva came true...wishes...more lyk dreams...tt'll neva come true...bcos they are just unrealistic things...and i noe they r...but i still hold on to them...bcos i dunno anything else i can do to prevent myself frm breaking down...argh...nvm i shall just go to slp...nites...

mine:

i dunno if it is the same issue or wat.

but about a issue.. my tots are in there.

i realli wan to get on. no nothing.

n live happily being tis way

but if tt's the case.. my shifu said.. both parties wud be tortured..

sinner.. i've broken my promise to myself. i wished i was in a coma n when i wake up.. i forget my past. i wun ask too much. forget the happy ones as well. i noe it would be asking to much juz to forget the bad ones.

i mean i am so so over the past but...

"it's over and done but the heartache lives on inside... "

if i dun protect myself.. who will?

of cos i do not n never will ache for the unworth asses.

n i am still me. the overpossesive lamer. one who will only suffer alone when things happen.

i'm such an escapist.