Lie no more.
2003-02-04 at 9:58 p.m.

i'm not happy.

i hate to say this

but i'm seriously not happy.

no or rather.

i am not happy nor sad nor anything.

i'm very numb.

oblivious to feelings.

i didn't go sch today.

slept from 7pm last nite to tis morning's 8.30am becos of the fever.

i dun not wan to care if pple think i am a pontang queen or watsoever.

i was lying on my bed, looking at my feet. i was looking at a scar made on my feet by my new slippers.

i was wondering,"why is the scar still there?"

i was taking that the wound would heal on it's own and be gone for granted.

suddenly i realised, all wounds would be healed, but not all wounds would disappear. some would leave scars.

permanent scars.

you know why i hate bgr or rather marriage so much?

becos of my environment.

i dun wan to end up like my parents.

everytime quarrel quarrel..

yea i'm not born in a christian family,

i dun hav christian parents who are in God.

i know very well my future husband n family will be.

but i juz dun wanna try.

wat's a use of marriage... if you end up this way.

wat are vows for.

where did the love once go. or was there even a love before?

watever happened to the word forever.

tt's y i never believed in the word forever.

i remembered i wanted to cry out loud for the past i dunno which day.

but i am juz so numb.

so damn numb.

my mum cried today.tokked bout dying.

numb. sounds like me in the past.

reminds me of a song..

Amei's Bu Yao Pian Wo

-> Don't bluff me or don't lie to me

i dun wanna bother to type out the lyrics. i'm too numb.but the rap part... i will

wei she me ni yao zhe yang zuo

hey shi bu shi ni chong xiao kan ni ba ba dui ni ma ma zhe yang zuo

kan le jiu xue hui qu zuo

ke shi ni bu yao fan dong yang de chuo wu

xia yi dai fan dong yang de zuo wu

don't try calling me. i'm fine.