Relationship Matters
04.07.2007 at 7:55 a.m.

Good morning! Ohaiyo gozaimasu!

It's a nice change to type in the morning, instead of all at night.

Met up with Clara and Anita yesterday, that girl has just returned from HK and flying off to Aus this sun..

Anyway, thank God I ended work relatively early to reach BB at 7 plus..

3 of us went to this cafe called 'Gone Fishing' for a "talk".
http://www.gonefishing.com.sg/index.htm

I love engaging in such discourses. Yesterday's topic was "Relationship Matters". Matters could be a verb, or a noun, doesn't really matter.

Here are a few things that we have discussed, which I think it's really true:

a)The relationship with people who matters matters the most

b)It's through actions and words one relates to another, but what goes through an individual mind is unknown

c)Behind the actions and words, are one's beliefs, intention, judgement(impression), expectation etc (self)
Many times people relate not to the person, but on the judgement of what you have about the other person

d) What do you want out of a relationship? Love? Future? Business? - many times people have needs. So instead of just focusing on YOUR OWN needs, seek to understand and fulfill the other party's needs, in turn, your own needs might perhaps be better met

e) Needs need to be communicated to each other if your relationship matters

f) Why do people have conflicts? Because of the expectation of what you have of the other person.
Instead of thinking what a person should be (square), accept who the person is (circle).
It's moronic to reject "reality".
But that does not mean that you need to lower your expectations

g) There is no such thing as partial acceptance. Either you accept the person totally or you reject him/her.
For eg. I like everything of you but your hair. The person will still feel rejected. Like if a bf is out with gf, can accept everything but her hair, everytime a girl with hair that he likes walk past, the gf will feel terrible.
But if a bf accepts everything about the gf, another girl with long silky hair walks past, he didn't lower his standard of liking long sily hair, but the gf would perhaps even admire and appreciate his standard.

h) Why do people argue? - Because of the need to be right - why? - Because of pride and ego. So think about it, do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

e) Many of us have judgement not only on others, but most of the time, ourselves. It's not only your beliefs that are challenged, but because of how you judge (or rather label) yourself to be that is challenged. You need to prove that your "self" is right.
However, for eg. nobody is born lazy. If you label yourself as lazy, you will portray yourself as lazy. Labels are acquired along the way, from what you think about yourself to what others say of you. So why not start putting new labels of yourself and drop the bad ones? It's like losing your memory, and you don't remember who you are, and put on new labels. Are you smart? - Yea why not? LOL
It is possible to change this labels. If you wanna be positive, think you are and you behave and portray that you are. Soon you will BECOME positive.
Changing requires DECISIONS and ACTIONS, not TIME.

Many of us perhaps know this, but it's how we put them into action, or perhaps, some people simply do not believe (belief!lol) these theories..

-> i remember one thing that he said before: Give More, Expect Less

haha let me add on. Accept more! You will never know that both of you will become to a similar shape!