Lost
14.11.2007 at 11:33 p.m.

For a moment, I felt like crying after speaking to Anita. I realised that I have so many unfulfilled dreams...

God, what exactly is your plan for me?
My dream of studying overseas, can never come true...

I told Anita, I wanna be independent. So, throwing me alone overseas is just it. A good way for me to grow up.

Actually both of us know that the money invested in overseas studies can never be earned back (every single cent that is).
That is why I told her, I refuse to take up a bank loan.

The money though, it's not exactly paying for the education, but it's the experience and independence you gain studying overseas.

Too bad, not everyone has such a chance to do so.

Goodbye, my unlived dream.

In the afternoon, seems like it's Episode 2.
I spoke to Darelle and we updated each other about work and such. Working as an interactive producer in CNA.com, says she has to do everything, from dreamweaver, html, copy editing, writing , event coverage and read on:

[A]sHLey says: wow!hey that's really good exposure
[A]sHLey says: tough i say.. very tough in fact
[A]sHLey says: but that will mean that your experience wud be really "full"
[A]sHLey says: inflexible hours i suppose? u were talking about night shifts..
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: yes im still trying to adjust to the super fast super alert lifestyle here, but the stress level is also killing
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: but im pretty happy, i mean, i finally got what i've always wanted to todo. a portion of it anyways. and i have my own bylines!!!!!
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: yeah cos news is 24/7 so there are shifts round the clock
[A]sHLey says: wow.. that's really.. cool but hard work..
[A]sHLey says: really glad that you are doing something you like, so no matter how tough.. u will hang on cos it is something u wan to do rite..
[A]sHLey says: i hope one fine day i will get to do what i like and want to do as well..

sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: what issit that u want to do? not accounts exe?
[A]sHLey says: hmm i wanna do radio. i wan to go into sound.. [
A]sHLey says: sounds impossible right. coming from the kind of industry we have in singapore
[A]sHLey says: and somemore. me.ME. becoming a dj is gonna be even harder den striking 1st price lottery sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: why so? It's really not that difficult to become a DJ, u should start at power98. but, u must start now with your speech, how fluent are u in english?
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: its not until im here that i realise how many words i mispronounce each day. sucks
[A]sHLey says: u noe me. i'm quite quiet
[A]sHLey says: n can't speak well.
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: u dont have to be chatty to become a DJ... its just a job, not part of your personality
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: and in work that needs speech, they will give u voice lessons - to to project ur voice, articulation, etc etc
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: but of course u must try to like speak fluently starting from now
[A]sHLey says: but a lot of DJs have charisma which is part of their personality don't they
[A]sHLey says: haha and you know the thing about speaking properly.. people who think you are faking it.. because of the correct pronunciation..
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: actually i tell u, i've seen lots of DJs and eh those speech people... reporters, anchors whatever, they speak in singlish sometime
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: actually most of the time. but they switch to fluent perfect queen's english when they are doing their job. so u see... it can be faked. it ALL can be faked

[A]sHLey says: haha that's quite true. yea my dream is not that unachievable.. is it?
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: nope not at all, i know a few reporters, and we chit chat in singlish all the time. like per normal with the singapore slang thats really painful to the ears
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: but when i see them on tv, they speak in perfect english. i cant even regonise their voice
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: they say its voice projection or something like that... which they will teach when u go for speech classes
[A]sHLey says:haha. thanks for letting me see some hope..
[A]sHLey says: it's lik most ppl think DJ-ing is the COOL, FUN, GLAMOUR jus like mass com but i wan to do it because of the job scope..
[A]sHLey says: okie not dj-ing. is broadcasting.
[A]sHLey says: and the thing about DJs.. they pick the pretty ones if you haven't realised, they go for looks as well even though you are "behind the mike"
[A]sHLey says: unless i do symphony 92.4 or something that i don't have to show my face.. they won't hire me

sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: yeah i totally understand what u mean, people always think broadcasting industry is soooo glam but they dont know all the crap the goes on behind it
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: stop putting urself down girl. the ONLY thing a dj needs to have is good voice, nothing else. in fact i can name u more less pretty djs than pretty ones
[A]sHLey says: yea.. haha probably need to break my voice to sound better
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: bah think u already sound quite sweet. all u need to work on now is to perfect the english, try to speak smoothly without injecting singlish

[A]sHLey says: thanks girl.. i will work towards my goal
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: yes u have to work towards ur goal and u cant say u cant do it!!!
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: I wasnt very optimistic about journ industry but i still tried anyways and see, im in journ industry now! so u never knwo unless u try!
[A]sHLey says: that's true.. sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: my friend from power98 tells me its not difficult to go in, starting pay is not too bad i think. and u shd try out for broadcast journ first. then its really easy to switch over to actual dj-ing
sometimes, the irony of life just makes the head spin says: and u're prettier than all the djs in power. hahahaha

[A]sHLey says: oh my.. i'm bad enuff

And we went on saying about how Uni grads are more favourable. And how sickening the paper chase symptom is. Vernetta Lopez (our senior), Glenn Ong and etcs are Dip holders! so ain't fair isn't it.

sigh.What should I do? Should I study like what I have started to enquire from Danielle and Clara about their studies during our meet-ups?

God, I'm so lost. God!

What else do you have in stall for me then? What job/career/route/path, exactly have you tailored for me?

You said in Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I know with my human eye, I can't see what you see with your "bird's eye view"...

Be my light, be my guide...