What's wrong?
2002-04-03 at 2:59 a.m.

f**k. I f**king can't love someone..

And whatever lor . I dunno y I always can understand what Joyce is going through� I mean I can almost know how she is feeling lor �. Whenever I read her diary � I feel like writing the same in mine � Now I understand why every statement she wrote has a f**k in it . cos I can relate to it� I feel like doing the same �

Damn . I cry at almost everything. At almost any nice slow sad song.

Sorry Joyce, I sorry. I should have asked for your permission first. You can hate me for all you want.

Sorry. I�m just an ass acting like an ass.

From Joyce�s diary:

�that was when i started ranting...about Steffie and i...i just never know...i don't know what i haven't done enough. i've come to a conclusion: its just me. its not anyone's fault.

i'm just not the perfect girlfriend i really want to be. i guess i don't fit into that bill. i'm not the perfect girl for Steffie. maybe she just doesn't want to tell me.

crap..."Fare Thee Well" is playing again and i'm feeling the tears.

its just really horrible. i feel so beaten, so defeated, cos i'd really tried. i tried very hard...can someone tell me if i really tried? or have i not done enough? its just that i don't love her enough. i don't. fine.

why am i crying?its my own damn fault i can't love.

WHY?!

someone tell me.

maybe there's really nothing wrong and

its just me being paranoid. you know, hypersensitive, or else, i ain't sensitive enough. but i NEVER have the right amount of sensitivity�

Back to mine :

Well Sorry once again. I feel the same. I�m not the perfect girlfriend. I�m not the perfect friend. I�m not the perfect daughter or sister. I�m not the perfect student, nor the perfect child of God. I�m not the perfect anyone. I�m not the perfect person. OK fine I know no one is perfect. But apparently I SUX.. in everything I do. in every role I have..

I remember watching Xin Shuo�

� Life is a stage and all of us are actors

We can all play our part well

______

Unless we pick the wrong part�

What wrong's? There's something wrong with us. No No. It's me. It's me. It's everything my fault. I'm mentally unstable you know. I'm practically pissed.. It's my f**king fault right? maybe I can't love.. I'm not as I am expected or supposed to be. I don't deserved to be loved. I deserve to be hated.

Hey it's not my fault that I'm not in a very good mood. But again.. it's my fault. Ya everything is my fault. Nothing's never my fault.

I bloody pissed and I dunno why.

Oh. It's on radio.. I'm gonna tear again.